Classical Angst and the Top 500

The Top 500 is under attack from an indignant (albeit devil's advocate) classical front.  Well, not a front, really - a couple of people who have noted the conspicuous absence of classical music from the list.  I have to decide whether or not to capitulate or fight on.  I think a bit of both.

What goes without saying will now be said:  The Top 500 is obviously circumscribed by the songs I have actually heard in my lifetime.  This is the main reason why the list is thin on classical (and jazz).  Much of my lack of exposure is self-directed and I have my reasons, but classical was also absent in the home from the get-go.  My family was extremely musical -- my Dad was an accomplished guitarist and recording engineer and my mom a genuine Canadian singing star in the late 50's.  But their niches were not classical.  Dad liked country and a bit of jazz and my mom sang pre-rock pop standards (and now likes that sort of smooth jazz, easy listening of Diana Krall and Norah Jones).

My Mom, Jean Hames, on the right.  The other two lovely ladies are my Aunts, Norma and Majorie.  This album is now rare Canadiana.  Best song: "Fantasy".  The rest isn't really my cup of tea. 

My exposure to classical was thus limited to strings class  (I can remember Pachebel's "Canon in D" and the theme to Excalibur. Does the song "Fumble Fingers" count as "classical"?  Denise Silverstone, help me out here).  So it is with a certain degree of shame and low-brow embarrassment that I acknowledge my rather pedestrian knowledge of the classical genre.  What I am familiar with now is mostly through cultural osmosis and movies.

So why not dispense with classical music all together?  Why not circumvent the problem by throwing out the few songs that are of the classical ilk [and freeing up some much needed space] and calling the list...um...calling the list....shit.  What the hell would it I call it?  As soon as a genre is removed wholesale, some sort of caveat or definitional decision must be made, no?  Top 500 Rock Songs?  Sorry, that just will not work.   This is all beside the point, anyway.  I summarily refuse to exclude Ennio Morricone's "Gabriel's Oboe" from my Top 500 list in order to make the list....cleaner? 

This is rubbing people the wrong way.  The presence of "Gabriel's Oboe", Paul Pott's "Time to Say Goodbye", and Vince Guauraldi's "Linus and Lucy" alerts the reader to breadth of this list -- any song can qualify.  OF COURSE any song can qualify, as these are my favorite songs.  I have also said elsewhere that the Top 500 is composed of THE best songs and I intend to convince you of this fact.  I'm lying of course, as we all know that this is a bullshit proposition.  But its quite fun to make this assertion, and to do so means I'm in trouble with the classical contingent (let's forget similar consternation from the jazz people for awhile, shall we)

So then...where is Beethoven, Bach, Mozart, Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky....?  How can I possibly not include some of these on the Top 500?  A friend, Mike Hotta, put it this way after I noted that Beethoven said, in reference to the popularity of Moonlight Sonata, "Surely, I've written better things".

The omission of even one classical piece has to be based on taste, as this is an "All Time Best of" list, no? As Beethoven commented above, wouldn't he be equally aghast that none of his "better" compositions made the cut (I can picture him in some majestic rehearsal space, throwing large piles of sheet music up in the air, after reading the final 500th spot and not seeing his name)? And based solely on your criteria, shouldn't Moonlight Sonata, or even a Luciano Pavarotti (or an equivalent operatic performance) eclipse Paul Potts (one of a few sore spots on your list)?

The Top 500 is not a list of the most important songs...if it were, we would see greater attention to the history of music and certainly a lot more of the classical, jazz, blues, and other early pop music forms.  This discussion has been well done elsewhere and although I am know a lot about music, I am no musicologist..  Historical importance fits into my criteria as mentioned in another piece but much more is required for a song to reach Top 500 glory.  

[As for Pavarotti versus Potts, yes, of course, Luciano eats Paul for breakfast.  But the song in question is "Time to Say Goodbye" not "Nessun Dorma" which is a fabulous song, but lying outside the list.  I do not know if Pavorotti has ever sung "Time to Say Goodbye" but I do prefer the Potts version over Bocelli/Brightman].

So if the list is not populated by the most important songs and is necessarily limited to what I have actually heard, then the pool of inclusion is shallow indeed.  What am I left with?...the detritus of many brilliant classical works completely degraded, destroyed, and hopelessly tainted by superficial pop culture associations.  I went through the Top 100 of the most well known classical compositions of all time (according to someone like me who likes classical) and recognized all but one. (I am also suspicious that beyond this list I doubt I know that much more, and none by name).  What was distressing is that pretty much all the pieces have been ruined for me and it is completely impossible to discern if I ever would have liked these songs in the first place.  Classical music, due its age, is in the public domain.  Anyone can use it.  Here are the Top 25 and their usually unfortunate associations (click to enlarge).  Go to http://www.kickassclassical.com/classical-music-popular-famous-best-top-100-list.html to listen to clips.

Almost all of these songs are rich, complex motifs representing compositional and melodic genius -- and I hate them.  DESPISE them.  Because this art has not been protected.  It has been exploited in the worst way and the result is ruination.  I could put Vivaldi's "Spring" over top of video of me shaving my back and no one could apply any sort of copyright to stop me (don't worry, I won't.  Probably won't). 

So, within this shallow pool, what are my favorite classical songs? Here are two Top 5 lists, divided into classic classical (pre-1940s) and modern classical (all thereafter).


Top 5 Classic Classical Songs

1. "Ode to Joy" - Beethoven, favorite version conducted by Andre Rieu, live in Tuscany, with soprano Carmen Monarca, mezzo-soprano Carla Malfioletti, who fucking blow my mind.  I tend to hate the more common male German voicings, which are too low, and weird. And ridiculous.  The Nagano Olympics version was also great.  But I really have a soft spot for the bluegrass version from the Raising Arizona soundtrack and Wendy Carlos' psychotic synth version from A Clockwork Orange.
2. "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" - Strauss, best known for it's pairing with 2001: A Space Odyssey (Herbert von Karajan with the Vienna Philharmonic).  I think this might be my 2nd all-time favorite matching of music to cinema, where the profundity of the scene is fully represented in the music - a sunrise in space, the dawn of tool use and weaponry (#1 is "The Host of Seraphim" by Dead Can Dance in the film Baraka -- a scene that breaks my heart into little crumbly pieces).This "song" is actually the first minute and a half of a 30 minute piece of work.  Strauss has been reduced to a sound bite.  But understandably.... this simple combination of rising notes and percussion sounds like the birth of the world, wondrous and terrible.  Or, it reminds me of that Rogers commercial where the hapless dude can't acquire a cellular signal.
3. "Cello Suite #1 in G Major" by Bach.  Reminds me, not negatively, of The Hunger and David Bowie.  Intricate and austere solo cello piece that almost loses its itself on the way to crescendo.
4. "Flower Duet" by Delibes.  So, if I can get the cream cheese commercial or whatever it is out of my mind, this is a beautiful and almost teasing little operatic piece.  I have to focus to wash away the elitist, Victorian image baggage, but when I can, it is crushingly pretty.  I assume it's about flowers.  I don't want to know what the lyrics are.
5. "O Fortuna" by Carl Orff.  From Camina Burana, an opera that is not that old (circa 1936).  This one remains in the Top 5, but has been losing ground because of that fucking Rickard's Red commercial.  This piece capture, dramatizes, and romanticizes warfare or other sublime moments of violence and/or triumph like no other song.  If I had this song playing on my Ipod, I could probably defeat 10 Orcs in hand to hand combat.  Not much more than 10 though.

But the fact of the matter is....none of the Top 5 Classic Classical make it into the Top 500.  Ode to Joy would have been close...very close...but sorry Ludwig, no cigar.

Top 5 Modern Classical Songs:

1. The Host of Seraphim - Dead Can Dance
2. Gabriel's Oboe - Ennio Morricone 
3. Time to Say Goodbye - Paul Potts
4. Lullaby - George Winston
5. Prelude for Time Feelers - Eluvium

I guess...I guess these are my Top 5 "modern classical" songs.  But I'm not sure I know or care what that definition is.  Classical traditions, tropes, structures, instrumentation....all these things have been absorbed by the rock/pop and post-rock genres.  And this is why it is ridiculous to conclude "I am not a fan of classical music".  I most certainly am.  I am not a fan, it would seem, of a genre category circumscribed and jealously guarded by its contemporary high-brow proponents.  

Elements of classical thread through so much of what I listen to...from straight up orchestral pop structures of the Beatles, Spiritualized, and Arcade Fire to the minimalist drones and sequences  of Godspeed! You Black Emperor,  Brian Eno, and Sigur Ros (inspired by alt-classical composers Glenn Branca, LaMonte Young, Phillip Glass, Steve Reich, etc).  

I am suspicious that there is a massive amount of neo-classical that I would love and have missed.  One day, I will get there.